


The Whole Being Drunk Thing

by inthenetherworld



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Alcohol, BJ and Lydia are best FRIENDS damnit, F/M, Its okay they deserve it, Oneshot, Other, its really cute, pure fluff, the adults get drunk, the title is so cheesy i know, they cuddle, theyre all big softies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:41:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24764833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inthenetherworld/pseuds/inthenetherworld
Summary: Beetlejuice and Lydia think that the adults of the Maitland-Deetz household need to let loose a little, so they secretly plan a night for them to get drunk together.
Relationships: Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland, Beetlejuice & Lydia Deetz, Charles Deetz & Delia Deetz & Adam Maitland & Barbara Maitland, Charles Deetz/Delia Deetz
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35





	The Whole Being Drunk Thing

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a chaotic as fuck oneshot! Like I truly do not know what this is. Writing drunk people is surprisingly hard.
> 
> Thanks to the person who commented and shared this idea with me!
> 
> ENJOY!

A scheme like this could only be the work of one particular person.

Or demon, really.

The four adults of the Maitland-Deetz household didn’t really think anything of Beetlejuice taking Lydia to a new art museum in town. Once they realized just how much he cared about keeping the teen alive and well, they saw no problem in letting the two pals have their harmless fun.

It was when Beetlejuice and Lydia “coincidentally” planned their night out on the same exact day that all of the adults happened to be at home that they started to wonder what their true intentions were.

This skepticism only grew when the pair insisted on knowing everyone’s schedules a week in advance; making sure Charles wouldn’t be cooped up in his office working or the Maitlands wouldn’t be having their puzzle night in the attic.

It wasn’t until they left for the museum and the four parents went downstairs to say their goodbyes that realization hit.

There on the kitchen table laid two strategically placed groups of alcohol. There were just about a dozen bottles of various kinds of liquor and wines. Stepping closer, the group on the left was labeled in crayon chicken scratch on a post-it note “Debby + Dad.” The other group had a similar note with the label “Babs + Sexy.”

Beetlejuice and Lydia wanted them to get trashed.

The two couples stared at the fully stocked mini-bar in front of them, speechless at the gesture. It was Adam who broke the silence.

“Is this... BJ’s crass way of telling us that we need to loosen up?” 

“No, honey. I think this is BJ’s nice way of telling us that we need to loosen up. Remember all the times he would purposely put a stick up his… bottom just so he could walk around and pretend to be us? I have a feeling that was just a light jab compared to this..” 

Adam and Barbara exchange glances then look to the Deetz couple.

“I-I mean, I didn't even know ghosts could get intoxicated. But I guess that’s why the alcohol is separated. Look Barb, it must be special for us.”

They all walk over to the table and start closely inspecting their options.

Charles and Delia appeared to be more lax about the whole plan, just happy that they didn’t have to spend their own money on booze. The Maitlands, however, were a bit more reluctant. They barely drank when they were alive; a glass of wine with dinner at the most. They never felt the need; any buzz they might want to experience coming from spending time with each other. Delia sensed their hesitation and thought it would be best to use soft words of encouragement to get the couple to join in.

“Would it really be such a bad thing? Sometimes a little poison to the body can free the mind and open the spirit. And besides, this could be a great bonding exercise! Charles and I have been meaning to get to  _ know  _ you two better…” Delia finishes with a teasing smirk and a wink that leaves Barbara and Adam blushing red.

The Maitlands take hold of each other’s hands and share a nervously giddy look.

“Maitlands 2.0?”

“Maitlands 2.0.”

****

“Heeey Barb… look! Now I reaallly am Adam 2.0!!!” 

5 shots of ghost tequila deep, a very drunk Adam is standing next to another very drunk Adam. The Maitlands had no idea they could make clones like Beetlejuice while sober, so it was…concerning to say that least that they could do it in their current state.

Barbara, just recently discovering a hidden talent for chugging, comes sauntering into the living room with the sticky remnants of whiskey dripping down her neck.

“Wait a damn minute! Who’s the real Adummm?? Adumnnnn…. this isn’t fair. Oh, you naughty boy. Guess I’m just gonaaa have to find out on my own! What about that, Adum? Whoever you aree..” Barbara stumbles into the arms of both Adams, proceeding to take turns sloppily making out with both of them so she can pick which of the two are more “kissable.” 

Her game is short-lived as a very out of character Charles comes into the room, looking alarmingly put together yet significantly more friendly?

“Adamm! Buddy! I didn’t know you had a twin. You should’ve invited him over sooooner. We coulda got a game goin… hi, Im Chales… Cherls.. Charles, that’s it! What’s yours?”

“It’s me, Adam! I love my wife!” 

“Hiiiiii Adam I love my wife, I’m Cherls… no that’s not i—“

“Are you reallllly Adum… and do you YOU love your wife…it’s like I don’t even know anymore!” A very suspicious Barbara suddenly takes Adam by the throat of his button up and pulls him close.

Adam squeals like a pig at this before breaking out into laughter. 

“Babeeey, not in front of the clone okay? I promise you can punissh mee laterrrr—”

“BARBARA NO! Violence is  _ never  _ the answer...unless it is the right one..” Delia slurs, taking Barbara and Adam by the hands like children and leading them to the couch. 

With Delia in the middle, they fall into the couch in a heap of limbs, while Charles is across the room having what seems to be a very in depth conversation with Adam’s clone over a bottle of scotch.

“Noww. I know you probs def dont know this… BUT I am a life cosch. So I want you guys to say sorry.”

“I’m sorry Delia.”

“Really sorry…”

Delia sighs dramatically and wraps her arms around the couple at her sides. “Not to me… to each other!”

Barbara and Adam, brought closer together by Delia’s arms, share similar shocked expressions as they look in each other's eyes.

“Ohhhhhhhhhh. That actually makes more senseee..”

“Mmhm.. yeah actually”

They agree in unison before leaning over and sharing a series of passionate kisses over Delia’s lap. Delia begins to cry as she watches them lovingly and encouragingly keeps the couple linked, massaging her hands through their hair and pressing their skulls lightly towards one another.

“CHARLES! You must get over hereeee!  _ IMMEDIATELY!  _ I justt made love happen! I gave birth! To loveeee! CHARLES!”

“I’m coming, my cute crystal!!” Suddenly, Charles comes bounding over to the couch, hand in hand with Adam 2.0. They lunge themselves at Adam’s end of the couch, Charles facing Adam’s back with the clone behind him. Adam sandwich!

****

“So, whatuya think, kid?”

“Well, just knowing my dad and Delia, they definitely got drunk on the sole fact that there was free alcohol. Now the Maitlands, I’m betting that they either retreated back to their safe little attic right when they saw the stuff or got totally sloshed and lost control. I’m hoping for the latter.”

“Now we’re talkin!! I like the way you think, Lyds. Me? I’m hopin to catch them in a post-orgy bliss. Ooo! Think they’d let me join??”

“Eww. Beej, don’t be gross.”

At that, Lydia unlocked the front door and the pair stepped inside, immediately being hit with the aroma of hard liquor. Lydia contorts her face and scrunches up her nose in disgust, while Beetlejuice stops dead in his tracks to take in a big whiff. 

“Ehhh. I was always a leafy kinda guy, if ya know what I mean.”

Lydia rolled her eyes at this and continues on in the hopes of collapsing on the couch to watch some late night cartoons. What she found was so much better.

“Uhh, Beej. I think you should get over here. Now.” Not being able to hide the smile in her voice, Beetlejuice impatiently runs to Lydia’s side.

What they see is a big cuddly lump of limbs that just so happens to be the “adults” of the family. Delia and Charles are embracing each other with a casual Adam smack dab in the middle, content with suffocating between two warm, beating chests. On Delia’s other side, Barbara is clinging to her like a koala, legs and arms wrapped tightly around the woman’s midsection. Her face is burrowed into Delia’s neck and drool is dripping from Barb’s open mouth. The other end of the couch is bookended by… yes, that’s another Adam, spooning Charles’ large back.

“You wanna go get the camera we set up and watch the footage??”

“More than anything.”


End file.
